Dear Mister Misses

Mister Misses, 
Ive been with my girl for over 2years and I’ve got mad love & respect for her. 
Three months ago she told me that she had a spiritual revelation and had decided that in order for her to deepen her relationship with god, she need to be celibate. We talked in length about how she defined engaging in no sex what’s so ever and how she wasn’t sure how long this new “pact with Jesus” would last. For over the past month I’ve had insomnia while I’m at her apartment. Lucky for me her roommate is a good friend of mine {I hooked them up as roomies}. She usually comes in from clubbing late while my girlfriend is sleeping and has taken pity on my situation. She cooks for me, hangs out and suggests porn before going in her room. We’ve never hooked up in all the years we’ve been friends but I think theres a mutual attraction.(I don’t really trust my mind to be accurately making that call given my current state of sexual frustration) 
My girl and I have spoken several times about what my role in her new spiritual devotion is. She understands it is unfair to deny me sexual gratification but thinks that this is also a testament to my love for her.
Here’s the thing, as much as I love my girl, I’m finding it harder and harder to resist pushing up on my friend with the hope of hooking up with her. 
Should I continue to justify my love or feast on my friend?

Dear Raptured Lovelife,

There are lots of terrible things a person can do in life. You can kill someone, you can lie constantly, you can call someone ugly to their face and mean it, you can make a person feel inhuman–and of all the things a person can do wrong, for some reason, some religious people have decided that the worst thing a person can do is get laid. Even if you’re both two of the most in love people, even if you’re doing it with the most honest heart, some people can’t see sex as anything but somehow twisted. This I don’t understand, and although I believe in God, I will ask people, why would a God provide us with all the faculties of reason, if he did not intend us to make our own reasoned decisions about things?

But this is a foolish argument, because I soon learned, that the reason one uses to believe in God itself, is not the same reason that can be summarily dismissed with logic. Yes, you can provide any number of paradoxes, thought experiments and the like, but at the end of the day, the person will just say “So? I still believe this.” So when she believes that her pact with Jesus now invalidates your previous pact you have with her, you should take that serious, and leave.

There is no reason to cheating, you can fuck whoever-whenever in this day and age. If you make a commitment to someone, then you should stick to it. Why do I believe one should honor their obligations? Because if you give up  the concept that promises mean something, it’s just that much harder for you to accept them from someone else. You just can’t find trust and love, if you invalidate their central precepts. So to preserve the ability to find someone who is much more in line with your philosophical leanings, in the future, do not destroy what you have with this person. Simply accept that these are irreconcilable differences, and sadly, walk away.

Ultimately, it’s not your partner that defines the relationship YOU want, regardless of how they define their relationship with your or god. Some things you can’t compromise on, and deciding what’s important to you in a relationship not only protects your heart, but your girlfriend as well.

Jesus taught a man how to fish, so he can feed himself forever. This is good dating advice too. Cast your line again, there’s plenty of fish in the sea.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s